9 Replies to “"Grief is the price we pay for love"”

  1. The words ,”Grief is the price for love” are actually not the Queen’s own words but those of Dr Colin Murray Parkes , a psychiatrist at St.Christopher’s Hospice and a pioneer in this field. She at least is popularizing them but Dr Parkes’ full quote is eloquent and wise and deserves to be acknowledged.The full quote can be found in his book, Bereavement: Studies of Grief in Adult Life.
    “The pain of grief is just as much part of life as the joy of love:it is perhaps the price we pay for love, the cost of commitment. To ignore this fact, or to pretend that it is not so, is to put on emotional blinkers which leave us unprepared for the losses that will inevitably occur in our own lives and unprepared to help others cope with losses in theirs.”

  2. I do not know when Dr Colin Murray Parkes said words to the effect that grief is the price of love but I certainly remember the Lord Hailsham in a televised interview talking of the effect on him of the sudden loss of his wife in an accident saying those words in a sincere and powerful way. I took it at the time that this was original phrase but I suppose that it is conceivable that he was simply reflecting that the preexisting phrase was apposite for him. The academic comments of Dr Parker come across as prosaic in comparison. Someone else can research whether they were published prior to Lord Hailsham’s utterance.

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